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Hi,

Thank you for taking the time to get to know me, and for reading my STORY!

I believe life is an experience to find out who we are through LOVE and COMPASSION.

My journey to find my true self started with a desire to be free and continued by letting go of what I thought that I knew. From that moment, life became a CELEBRATION rather than suffering.

For those who want to know me briefly, I started personal development 16 years ago and I became a certified Life Coach and Meditation Teacher. I put together many different approaches into my work from Psychology, Meditation, Regression techniques, Neuroscience and Buddhism together with my own experience. I believe wellbeing comes from an approach that looks at all aspects of the self-physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. Applying the latest Neuroscience breakthroughs during sessions change the mind patterns, in this way , we achieve great results in a very short period of time. It’s so fantastic to see my clients reconnecting with themselves, their lives and creating great relationships with others. The first thing I tell them is they can reverse everything in their life and everything is achievable when they reconnect with themselves. We hold each other’s hand and start working to create fantastic results. Great things can only be achieved with openness and connectedness. I work with adults, couples, teens and families.

I devoted myself to “what one can achieve” in life and my motto is “There is no un-lived moment”.

I hope to meet you soon, I would love to hear from you.

Stay with Love…

 

This is my detailed life story for those who want to get to know me better.

I was in my early twenties when I asked myself, about life ‘‘is that all there is? What we see and live? Or is there more meaning?” and “Why are we living life the way we are living it?’’ There was always a feeling in me that didn’t consent to the world and the conditioned mindset. There were so many things that didn’t make sense in those times.

There was also a big – a huge, energy that I didn’t know where to direct. I actually felt more of ME in ME…Now I can reflect on those days, and understand better that it was ”love” that I was feeling. My relationships were deep with myself and others. A kind of love and connection that I was sensing as energy that felt unbelievable.

It was evident from time to time even then. When I felt the love in me – when I was connected to that love – everything felt amazing. But, there was also a deep sorrow that I was feeling. I had so many questions, conflicts and pain – all at the same time. I tried to see behind this dilemma. I could also see the same duality (separation) in every other person in my life. People could be happy one moment and the next moment be in pain. They could feel one way, but at the same time talk or act differently. In one way, there is a higher connection and quality we feel while suffering at the same time.

Starting with myself, my relationships, my pain, my fears and my emotions, I began to ask what being a ”human being” was all about. And what this ‘duality’ (separation) in us was. Is there any way to stay in the love that I felt? At first, I started with Psychology. I found out that there were two parts of me – conscious me and unconscious me, my mind (my ego). Me was feeling the goodness and aliveness but my mind was in pain, suffering. This realisation led me to look at my mind carefully – and that is where my journey really began.

At that time, I was working in Corporate, where I had spent eleven years witnessing myself, other people and our collective behaviours. It was fascinating to see the separation in us again in the areas where identification and insecurity plays a great role. I watched people and their roles playing out and I saw who we become when identity takes over.

Everything felt like it was unfolded and served in front of me in an amazing way: knowledge, life events, people, I was learning so fast.

In those days, I was hungry to know, I read a book nearly every day. Not just reading, but studying and connecting all the different forms of knowledge into each other. The subjects were about psychology, NLP, spirituality, philosophy, religion, healing, ancient beliefs, history, quantum physics, metaphysics, yoga, reiki, meditation, Sufism, Shamanism, Kabbalah, biographies etc. At the same time I trained with amazing teachers and had the opportunity to work with some of them. I also got my Life Coaching certificate. I was fascinated when learning about the journey of us and how we evolve day by day as human beings to find the reality of us.

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“Knowledge’’(awareness) made me more confident about my way. I was determined to keep learning until I could put together all the pieces – until it all made sense!

Then, at my highest creation level, I quit the corporate world and started on another of my passions. I built a food business – an entirely new career which I built from scratch. It ended up being a big business. I went all the way through the process of limitless achievements that are possible to create if we really intend to!

One day, all the pieces came together. I had no more questions to ask, no more need to search. My mind was extremely quiet, but, also knowing effortlessly. I was peaceful. I was totally connected to my heart, very much in the present, with no more emotions rising up in me. It’s like the world (my mind) paused, and an infinite love and acceptance of everything took over.

Suddenly, I felt a rising inside me. It wasn’t a “quiet mind” experience like when you are meditating. It wasn’t even an experience that I can describe; experiences can only happen in your mind, which has description, and time. You can’t explain this experience in words-in time. Because its like your being taken over somewhere that there is no time. A total shut down that you don’t even know where you are. But you know that you are transformed into something at the end.

It was strong and blissful – like disappearing! There wasn’t duality (separation) in those moments! Everything was ONE- I was in a spiral (all universes) and turning in that- whatever unfolded (manifested) for me by now was also turning into an un-manifested reality at the same time. I was moving so fast until I completed the time circle. Suddenly, I fell into a light and fell into pieces, expanded, dissolved and spread all around the universe/universes. I was the universe/s, everything was ONE-Consciousness. I-consciousness was the creator.  I was non-dual (manifested and un-manifested at the same time). And there was NOTHING- no experience, but only the pure consciousness and I lost connection with everything, disappeared (ecstasy)…

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The NOTHINGNESS/ONENESS felt like maybe one moment and maybe too long at the same time. It felt like being at HOME, and home was the experience of everything from the start to the end in the universe, like a fast forward movie. But I came out with big open eyes, and the deepest peace at the same time and saying “WHAT IS THIS?” Of course, my mind had returned and while thinking this, the first thing that I felt was “fear”. The fear of dying, that was the first thought that dropped after the experience, second was ecstasy and then all again at the same time. In between, you know that dying is not the end. There is no end. Nowhere to go and nowhere to reach. All you do coming to your awereness. Consciousness is infinite and has infinite power that you can’t be with all that long with the body.

After that experience, I had a bit of a shocking time. My awareness was mostly out of my body/mind and became the form of everything around me. Became anything I want. Everything was effortless as if things happened by themselves. My mind was so quiet and experiencing peace, totally different than before, like resting in peace without me controlling anything. Before, I was experiencing peace by releasing separation and by being in my awareness. This is like a feeling that separation never existed. You do things like eating, walking, driving and moving with no effort. You feel like a liquid form, with no body weight or movement, but consciously become everything within your perception. You are the tree you are looking at, the car you drive, the spoon you hold. That’s an amazing experience of how your consciousness creates every form when you are wide-awake in daily life and you know there is actually nothing other than your consciousness. There is oneness in between huge traffic or noise around you; you are still, outside noise doesn’t reach you, you are in ultimate peace.

For months, I felt like I couldn’t function or relocate myself in this world. I found myself connected to another level of understanding. Talking, helping, writing was now effortless. It was amazing to see when the reality talks, your voice resonates in people and creates a sudden shift to higher levels in their lives.

What brought me to the experience of “my real nature-enlightenment” is utmost dedication and desire to find my purpose, deep connection, absolute honesty towards myself and everything around me, also connection with everything’s nature. I revealed every piece of ego (illusion) in my life. I faced every conditioned thought in my head and had a realisation that they don’t totally describe me. I could not only be something limited by description of my false self. This left me with my consciousness. I let myself/ my ego be seen and vulnerable and I accepted whatever came out. I was united in my thoughts, in my actions and in my words. There wasn’t any feeling of ‘feeling less’ moreover; there was a full power, a full sense of responsibility of being the creator. Things were happening by themselves around me and in me. I was the witness (conscious) only; no emotion was arising in me. No conflicts or expectation was left. A total separation had started just before the enlightenment experience.

That was 16 years ago. There was no-one talking about enlightenment (knowing who you really are) in great detail (or that didn’t open up to me by then for a reason) in those times. I had an enlightenment experience without knowing there is an experience of enlightenment. It has always been kept as ‘the secret’, because you can’t describe the experience with words. Also, description makes you automatically think that very few people can reach that level. But actually, that way of thinking (separation) is another part of the illusion of the mind, which is necessary and makes you progress and have more experiences!

My mind, of course, started doubting that I had the same experience as BUDDHA. Even though I did have that same experience, I had to deal with huge self-DOUBT for a period of time.

Of course the evolutionary purpose-force, needs to put you on what you need. To do that, my mind took over again and again. Self-doubt revealed itself in everything- good or bad, that I needed to let go. It left me to be beyond those identifications.

My enlightenment (out of mind experience) didn’t last as I assumed. You had no chance to be stable in non-dual when you are in a form- in time. As you can’t stay in any state of mind, emotion, feeling forever, that’s not our destiny. (Since you have never been born and those states have never been created). But if you know the home, and if you went through all the ways to home by letting go before, then it’s a destination for you, you can be there whenever you want…there is NOTHING and there is EVERYTHING at the same time in there. And that’s home!

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I thought that some people could stay in an enlightenment state permanently. It’s right and not right. It depends on what part of the state of enlightenment. You can stay with no thoughts in ecstasy sometimes in your life. Would I want to stay in that state of mind permanently? I guess, not. It wouldn’t be exciting sitting with no thoughts and being deep in consciousness. I kept going, getting involved in deeper levels of life and expanded my light.

There is a constant movement, changing forms, expanding and evolving everywhere at the same time. You will keep deepening your connection with your being while you are here by sensing home every moment in you. To deepen that connection, you will create life events through yourself. Those events will be out of your comfort zone. If you feel out of your comfort zone anytime, while you are in a challenging life event in your life, know that you are cracking the hard ones! Whenever you identify and say I am here and I know where I am (that’s ego’s voice that tries to be safe), there is a trap there – you might get stuck in your knowledge, in your comfort zone which means you will end up with no progress for a long time. The moment you structure or hold on to the knowledge/potential, you will block yourself from the new. There is nowhere to reach to become someone.

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The enlightenment experience is a mark on your being and it will never go away. It will always remind you where you belong! It’s like a fast forward version of our journey and a bit more…after the enlightenment experience; you will always have a complete understanding of formlessness and keep going, seeing more miracles in this life. I did clean out the big clutter in my life, and open up a huge space for the new knowledge/potential. (Not knowing, at that point, that there is limitless subtle clutter behind each big clutter!)

There are many layers (multiverses) in each of us. I can say from my own experience up until now, consciousness is a continuous spiral and it has infinite possibilities within it, unfolding itself. As we unfold in ourselves and with each other (the others are your future consciousness-your un-manifested reality or your past consciousness-your manifested reality). We are all connected as ONE piece, as consciousness and continuously expanding, growing, evolving. This evolving is happening all at the same time as ONE piece! It’s like all of us makes one consciousness! When one of us connects with, a different knowledge-possibility (another universe), the rest can reach that possibility as well. Having limitless possibilities makes us infinite! We are now living the experience of “being” in life-in illusion (in time) all together. My journey is still going, and I am still learning…

Just a couple of years after that experience, I started another phase of my amazing journey and faced the biggest challenges of my life. I was obviously too confused by the experience that I had, compared with the reality at the heart of daily life. Every piece of thought forms what we are aware of or not being aware of yet has to create life events for us to go through and have experiences. Some of the “thought forms” in you are very subtle. They are getting forms as unexpected life events. These very subtle ones can be inherited or deeper ones in your unconscious mind. You can’t make sense of them with any forms of thought easily. They are very powerful, so that you can transform yourself to the same! They are your unmanifested forms like long time resistance, implicit memories, your higher self. The secret to deal with them is: constant acceptance and openness by aligning yourself with the source at the same time. It will make sense sooner or later but I’m sure it will one day…

My story keeps going like this…

I had my angel, my daughter: SHAMAN. (OMG, she has the energy of those times absolutely!) I changed countries and moved to live in Australia. This was my all time dream to live half of my life in another country. I went through a lot to be there! I got divorced in my second year in Australia, and I established another great  business. I met someone, another lost soul like me and we have shared a great journey together, he played an amazing role in my life for 4 years. I also had an aggressive type of breast cancer-stage 3, which had already spread to my lymph nodes. During my cancer treatment, I lost my business and all my investments, and was left without a single source of income! So did my partner. My partner had a heart attack and not only that, his heart stopped for 4 minutes when he was next to me and he came back again, I lost everything that I could call ”mine” – and the biggest thing I lost was my connection that I had with everything. I came to a stage where I couldn’t explain or understand what had happened to me, or why it had happened. I was totally blocked. You cannot imagine the amount of pain that I was in, and the threat that I felt in front of me in those times. I was burning. If you are a spiritual person you might ask why do you need to go through all these again while you have the awareness and the experience of all. But living your life with awareness is not enough, you need to go through every experience that is going to make you whole and turn into them. You will be cooked, sit down in the fire or be polished. Then you have the ultimate voice of what you are and your reality, and then your voice will resonate with everything. Having an experience and becoming that experience is totally different than talking or thinking intellectually about those experiences.

There is great reality in RUMI’s words for this;

‘ I was raw, I am cooked and burnt’.

‘If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished?’

‘If your knowledge of fire has been turned to certainty by words alone, then seek to be cooked by the fire itself. Don’t abide in borrowed certainty. There is no real certainty until you burn; if you wish for this, sit down in the fire’.

RUMI

I made my intention, my wish, a long time ago, I have felt burning desire in me to be burnt all my life. And my wish has been coming through just as it is.

There was only one thing left in me…my strength. My power to change things, and to understand how to get better, regardless of what was happening in my life. For that reason, I took my own responsibility and I accepted that I created the cancer in my life to heal myself. I’ve known that it was the creation of my mind and I separated my being from the disease (my toxic part of the mind) basically. I didn’t accept it. That didn’t belong to me. It wasn’t like I ignored it, there was an understanding even though you have the threat just in front of you. There was a gentle ignorance without fighting it. That made me very close to my body. I cared about myself like a newborn baby. I started to do whatever I can for my body. Then suddenly a realisation hit me! I have not been looking after my body and mind, not owning it. I wasn’t perceiving it as mine. I wasn’t gentle with myself; I realised that I had a lot of subtle expectations for myself. I wasn’t honoring my body. But suddenly because of cancer all I needed to do was look after myself! A gentle self love and respect took over and that of course changed me and my relationship as well. I have known that this time was going to open up a lot of reality about me.

My relationship with my body started to be healthier than at any other time in my life. I started searching, reading, and studying about the body and about how it functions. I went through tons of articles and researchers and created my own diet and lifestyle. My fifteen years of experience in the food industry helped me to create amazing healing recipes that have everything coming straight from nature.

During my cancer treatment, they hit me with the heaviest drugs and the longest radiation therapy. When I finished the year long treatment, I felt like an 80 year old woman. It was even hard to walk down the street. Then I started on my diet, followed my own recipes. The result: after three months I was the same as I had been before cancer! After six months, I felt like I had never felt before. My physical energy was at its top level. Self-love opened an amazing door in me, which I had been making great connections to in my life. But while the physical part of my body was going amazingly well, I was still asking ‘Why?’ There was still something missing inside me, and I was still looking for some answers to this story…. but this time there was a gentle curiosity rather than desperation to find answers. There was a smile on my face and I’ve known that deep in my heart this will connect to something big,  but I couldn’t pull myself up to that reality from where I was at that time. There is always a divine timing for everything.

Your heart, your being, always knows where the direction is, but I couldn’t make sense of it or grab it or stop it for a long time. Until, one day, the time was right! With the help of higher consciousness aligning opportunities in a very subtle way, and when I had no energy left for resistance, everything that I needed to understand started to unfold bit by bit. And the resistance in my head totally stopped again! This time it was completely different to years ago. I was much more capable of understanding what was happening.

Actually, there wasn’t peace in my life. I assumed that I knew my ego’s voice very well and whenever that voice raises, I was pushing it back with the knowledge I have. Every time, I did this, I thought that I was getting stronger and stronger against my ego. I was desperate to get my peace back. But, I was going through big challenges at the same time, it was like a nonstop battle one to another, and whenever I was into one of them, I was getting confused more and more. Sometimes I was blaming myself for not being enough, another time, I was sticking to my knowledge and motivating myself to get out of it. Then all the voices mixed up. Which one was my ego and which one was ME?

I realised that I had been fighting inside myself not to be ME. Subtly ignoring my own presence! And I didn’t really believe in myself, even though I thought that I had all the confidence and strength in the world! That strength came from being driven, and it was actually a curtain between myself and my being, preventing me from seeing the simple ME inside which is whole, simple and in peace.

All those times I tried to make sure that myself is strong enough, good enough. I was controlling situations and my relationships because of a fear of loss. Even though I would say out loud to myself that I love myself, I wasn’t really in there. Self-doubt made me work on more and more of my own nature. As if there was something wrong with me or there was something that I couldn’t see.

I was lost in my false self. Ego creates nonstop doubt and separation in subtle ways even after you are aware that its there, as it is our evolutionary purpose. The story in my head looked so real and strong and I got confused on my way about which voice was ME.

I couldn’t see that I wasn’t living the most liberating version of my being.

Even though the experiences I had were fifteen years ago, it is hard to stretch this reality across every area of your life.

The moment that I realised the fight in between my ego and my being, I stopped fighting with both. You realise first you are not your mind/your ego, that’s step one. Just after that, separation starts in you (self doubt), that’s step two. Before that, all I have been thinking about, the noise in my head is ME. But after the self-realisation, you try to stay away from your ego. But, ego needs to play all it’s own versions, so that you can connect with your own being through your ego. While it’s doing that it creates resistance, conflict and confusion in you. It persists in every way. And you get harder lessons while you are breaking the last pieces of ego. I was lost somewhere in between for a long time. The moment that I realised that, I let go…. SURRENDERED. This surrender was maybe the biggest in my life. When the resistant energy left my body, I was feeling lighter! Healed! I let my STORY (my ego) and my BEING be there!

Then I started to feel the PEACE in my life again! Woooooh!

‘ The mind is an important tool for us to realise the “I AM” consciously. It has been trained for a long time to be in certain way. It will help us clean ourselves from all the limiting identifications, emotions and beliefs. Our existence contains I AM and I AM NOT at the same time. LOVE-our heart can end this separation. Love is our higher being. Love will connect everything to each other until we find the peace. Acceptance is the key to our journey. Everything will make sense one day. It is worth all this effort!’

‘When you realise how perfect everything is, you will tilt your head back and laugh at the sky’….Buddha

‘We look for certainty and permanence in every situation in our lives. That’s our fear of dying. For that reason, we control, grasp and create pain. In reality, nothing is dying, everything is just changing form. When we let everything that happened to us when ‘I am’ and ‘I am not’ is united and ONE; that’s where we are connected to our higher self. This will be the biggest ‘Forgiveness’ of our life! Before that we need to experience every face of our being- ‘I am’ and ‘I am not’, and be left with no personal history’.

‘You create the ultimate realisations when you stop separating. There is neither good nor bad in reality. Therefore, forgiving yourself, accepting yourself, loving yourself with full awareness will take your soul to the deepest peace.’

‘The Journey of your soul starts when you realise your unconscious mind is the cause of separation and it ends when you are at peace with it’.

‘Peace is your ultimate connection with the entire universe; it has limitless knowledge, all the keys in it. Make the peace your heart’s wish’.

 

‘The art of being a warrior is to balance the wonder and the terror of being alive’.

‘In a world where death is the hunter, my friend, there is no time for regrets or doubts. There is only time for decisions’.

‘Only as a worrier can one, withstand the path of knowledge. A warrior cannot complain or regret anything. His life is an endless challenge, and challenges cannot possibly be good or bad. Challenges are simply challenges’.

Carlos Castaneda

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Being free, living whole and limitless, accepting our own existence every moment makes the life ALIVE.

I am LOVE…I am connected to MY HIGHER BEING… I am CELEBRATING my life. At the end, the important thing is not what happened to me, or what I have done by now, but the reality I am in now. Everything happens for a good reason in this crazy and beautiful life…

Dare to let everything happen to you. And you know what? I wouldn’t change any single part of my story…

I am still learning and that makes me happy.

I hope that I might have a chance to meet you somewhere in your journey…I would love to hear from you. (Please get in contact with me….)

Stay in LOVE,

Deniz